Black Friday: when people trample others for cheap goods mere hours after being thankful for what they already have. Oh, the irony. Once you enter the store, it's a battleground of who can get to the goods first and score the best deals.
Pride and dignity go out the window, there are bargains to be had. Its literally a fight to the death over a 40-inch plasma TV with a few hundred quid knocked off it.
Traditionally an American event, somehow this madness has infiltrated the UK. And its the worst. Literally. Black Friday is basically a real-life Hunger Games. Doing our greatest Lady C impression, we wont be taking part.
Instead, here are the things wed rather do in London than partake in hell on earth:
1.Take part in the actual Hunger Games.
2. Take the tube in rush hour.
3. Even the Central Line.
4. Go shopping on Oxford Street
5. Even at Christmas.
6. Go to M&M World
7. Spend a whole day walking behind slow pedestrians.
8. Go out in the rain and be subjected to peoples terrible umbrella etiquette
9. Queue for Wimbledon and not get tickets
10. Go house hunting on a budget
11. Hear the words this bus is on diversion
12. Pay to use a toilet at Paddington
13. Play any sport against Boris Johnson
14. Stand in Trafalgar Square like the Pigeon Lady from Home Alone 2.
15. Try to get off a tube during rush hour
16. Walk down the street full of people on hoverboards
17. Legally change our names to something ridiculous from Made In Chelsea like Toff, Binky or Tallulah.
18. Listen to the foxes having loud, screechy sex at night
19. Dip and dive through Victoria station trying to find the exit
20. Join the lengthy line of tourists queuing for Madame Tussauds
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